Oh man I can't tell you how much I miss basketball. Or running. Or playing tennis, or doing anything athletic for that matter. I have been trying to supress any idea or feeling about this because I just get angry the more I think about it, but I have reached a point where I can't stop thinking about how much I am missing out on. Right now all I want to do is bike the 50km to Sooke and back. I want to go to the gym and shoot 3's till I can't jump any more. I want to go for a however many km run in the rain with no pain. UGH!
It's time to move on. I thought that I was handling this well but I'm not. Basketball was my life. I played it all the time, I would work out in the mornings to be better at basketball, I would think about it during class, and it really sort of defined who I was. Now I have nothing. I feel really lost because I don't have clear set goals anymore. I don't have the drive to do well in school because I was just doing that in the past so that I could play university ball. I just feel like I have lost the only thing that I have ever been good at.
My favorite part of my day is getting up at 6:15am to go to the gym at 6:30. I absolutely love it and don't care if people think I'm crazy for getting up that early. I love working out when other people are still in bed. The gym is the one place in the world where I feel like I am good at something. I can work hard and put all my effort into it and I will achieve something and feel good about myself. Really, I just feel so confident when I am at the gym unlike anywhere else.
You're all thinking, yeah but don't hurt your knee. Well, you know what? I was better off before this surgery. I could at least run and play tennis and jump. Now I can't even walk down the street without pain. I know, I really know that God had a reason for this, but I just don't know what it is and what I'm supposed to do now. I have learned patience or am in the process of trying to be more patient. I have also slowed down to take time to get closer to Him. But in the long run, is arthritis at the age of 30 really going to benefit me? Is watching from the sidelines really going to make me happy? Like I just don't get it.
I guess for now I will just continue to do physio and try and be careful as I do my stinkin' dainty exercises in the gym for fear of pain. It's not even funny. At least today I had a boost of confidence and had to laugh when I was the only girl in the gym and was working with the weights while 6 guys were all on the cardio equipment. It was a sight to see. Anyhow I'm not good at asking for prayer, but I could really use some right now.
Well, I should be working on my animal behavior dog project thing right now. I'll be back on this thing soon, you can bet on it. Later days!
1 comment:
I don't exactly hear ya because I wasn't into basketball and weights as much as you are, but I am going through serious sports withdrawl right now too! I want to get out and play basketball so badly! But two days ago was the 3 month mark, so now I can run, but it's not basketball. I'm sorry that you can't play! But that's funny that you were lifting weights and the guys were cardioizing! lol. I hope that you get better soon and I prayed for you last night (without even knowing about this blog) and i will continue to pray for you! I love you!
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